Excursions and Excretions....yuck.

haha...don´t be turned away by the title, i just needed to share the past 24 hours of my life with the rest of the world. So the Crop Extension group went on an overnight tech excursion this past day and i´ve had a relatively interesting time.  Well...the purpose of things was to get some real world practice...and i did indeed...planting crotalaria and canavalia...two different abonos verdes (green manures) and making curvas de nivel...aka contour barriers.  But this is not where the humor lies...let us begin.

We are out in the field, in a rather mountainous...or should i say, hilly...region of paraguay and my stomach starts doing summer saults within my body.  I´m talkin crazy mess.  cramping up, cramping down...cramping all the ways round.  Too bad i left my TP at our host volunteers house and didn´t feel like using corn cobs to wipe down in the latrine of the farmer we were working with....so i hold it.  Forgive me if i become to graphic at any point, but i think this entire process is funny...and pc volunteers need to be ready to discuss there various bowel movements at any time.

So i finally make it back to the home latrine...and EXPLODE!  I was kind of proud of my aim, but was feeling pretty "crappy"...ha.  Fun turn of events...it was now time to go stay with a host family...aka people i was only going to meet for one night and morning.  My tech prof took me to there house, and explained that i was sick, didn´t want to eat, and needed to just rest.  They heard that...and said i could lay down and rest...but i coudn´t turn the tv off...my one night host dad needed to catch his bingo numbers.  haha...ok.  i could roll with that.  During the hour long wait for the bingo number i discovered that this family housed a toad in a box, which they freed every night to eat...i don´t know why, i don´t know how...but...amusing nonetheless. 

So finally I make it to bed...and lay restless for the next 2 hours...it was time to go again...so i throw on my headlamp...make the quick walk to the latrine...and well...got my business done.  Along the way, i scared the crap out of a cow who was snoozing...literally...he jumped up and stared pooping.  Maybe i´m just an inspirational pooper.  But at last i make it back to my bed.

My tummy is still doing some fun tricks, and i just can´t shake this odd feeling...so logically i sit up and vomit all over my host familys floor...and manage to fill and entire one of my work boots with the vom too.  Lets just say i won´t be eating the type of beans that came up for quite a while.  So here i am...in my undies...with a floor full of vomit...what am i to do!?  I wake up my host mom and dad...and with stunning guarani accuracy and grammar tell them that i had woken up and vomited all of the floor...they were very gracefull and helped me clean it up.  And then we were all back to bed.

But yet...the night had decided the fun was not over.  As i was laying in bed....i could not shake the last little bit of gas that was causing me pain in my stomach...so i thought..."it couldn´t be that bad of an idea to fart just once...or at least try".  So i go for it.  Now as any of you who have had diahreaa and tried to flatuate know...this is a bad combination.  So hear and now, I confess to the world...that I Charles D. Helms...pooped his pants a little in a strangers house...after throwing up all over their room and devestating their latrine. 

Welcome to the Peace Corps...haha.

BUT!!!  next day...we all went out and had some killer sushi and japanese food...thank goodness for japanese colonies in paraguay. 

Disgusting: yes...rude: a touch...real: i´d have it no other way.

ciao peeps.

Mayonesa.

Mayonaisse. yep. i´m not even sure if that is how you spell it.  but it is an important part of life here in paraguay...at least for this one peace corps trainee.

1. Brand of choice in my host family.  Hellmans. which they think sounds very similar to Helms.  I am now affectionately knows as Carlos Helmmans, or Carlos Mayonesa by by host sister.  It makes me laugh every time.
2. Salad - mayonaisse is the salad topper of choice for many people.  maybe you get a lime sometimes. I´m not proud, I´m not happy, but I ain´t gonna lie...i lay the mayo on my salad sometime

          ...sin verguenza, so they say.

1. The mayo is made with sunflower oil...it just makes me a little happier knowing that within every calorie packed little drop...i´m also eating a little bit of sunshine...mmmmm...

Hellmans....out.

North Carolina vs. Paraguay

So i´ve been living in paraguay for about 3 or 4 weeks now.  I´ve done a whole lot, and learned even more, and written on this blog very little...my bad.  BUT, i´d like to offer you a brief comparison on my two worlds.  I think you´ll be a little surprised just how similar they are...

1. Sweet Tea vs. Tereré

Any southerner worth there salt wouldn´t want to go a day without a tall glass of ice cold sweet tea....mmm....i can almost taste it now.  Any good southern americaner, specifically paraguayan, wouldn´t start there day with some hot maté or cool, refreshing, and minty tereré.  Man, this stuff is good, and no one goes anywhere without it...anywhere.  Bus drivers while talking on cell...and driving...have a cup in near at hand.  News anchors...sippin´and reportin´, same time.  it is awesome.

2. A lil´bit of chicken fried.

You think people in the south like to fry their foods, their veggies, there everything.  False.  People in paraguay know how to down some fried food.  Milanesa (aka chicken fried steak), fried mandioca (aka extra greasy cassava), fried er´thing.  Sometimes it weighs on the stomach...but for me, it nourishes the sould.

3. Cornbread is mas ó ménos Sopa Paraguaya

Ok...so this is a stretch, but...there is this soup here...that isn´t a soup...it is bread.  Yes this is the land where soup is bread an mayonaisse is salad dressing...don´t ask.   It is like cornbread, but thicker, and cheesier.  it is easy to get used to. 

That is the extent of the compare contrast that i´ve got today.

Also, quick wrap up of highlights of paraguay life

• 20 baby chickens...raise ´em, love ´em, eat ´em.
• i milked a cow today
• i´m making cheese tommorow

ciao for now.

haha.

Carlos y el Cuerpo de Paz

Mbae´chapa!   Hello!
Chererà Carlos!  My name is Charles
Che aspirante de Cuerpo Pazpegua! I´m a Peace Corps Trainee!
Che Estado Unidogua! I am from the United States

Welcome to the amount of conversation that I can have with my host family in Guaranì.  Haha good thing that i have a little spanish to fall back on.  Not that my spanish is great though...haha.  So far I am saying a few things and smiling a whole lot.  I give a lot of thumbs up too...it is money.

Also, my name is (un)officially Carlos from henceforth, which is kind of fun.  My host family is wonderful and are taking very good care of me!  I got my first shot and my first killer bee sting the other day, so that was fun too.  Three cows live in my yard, which is great, and i have a mango and a lime tree!  mango season should peak around december...so good times are a´comin.

But for now, this internet is costing money, and I could type this out on my laptop and bring it in to the internet cafè and do this for much less.

Just because i´m in another country, doesn´t mean i´m still not cheap.  haha.

much love.

Carlos.

Nah, Nah, Nah...Nah, Nah, Nah...

Hey Hey Hey...Goodybe!

Ok kids, here we are.  I am leaving for Peace Corps Staging tommorow and there are a few things i need to let you all know.

1) I have an address!

Charles D. Helms, PCT
Cuerpo de Paz
162 Chaco Boreal c/Mcal. López
Asunción 1580, Paraguay
South America

There is nothing that would mean anything more to me in the world than if you wrote me a letter! I'll write you back. pinky promise.

2) To anyone reading this (well anyone I know at least).  I love you very much. From the bottom of my heart to the top of my nose. The thing i'll miss most about the united states are my wonderful friends and family.  I have a small song that I need you to here that you might be encouraged by the eternal nature of our relationship.

I am your brother.

you are my simon.

peace (corps) out.

Fast Food Fun For Friends or F.F.F.F.F

McDonalds McCafe 'Intellectuals' commercial at Boston.com

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Paraguay?

1) I love Mickey D's coffee.

2) You need to know where Paraguay is.

3) If you don't...let's talk.

4) Only 11 days left!!!!!!!!!!! (that is one exclamation point for every day.)

The Run Down

Who: Charles D. Helms (yours truly)

What: Moving to Paraguay to be a "Crop Extensionist"

Why: To serve for 2 years in the United States Peace Corps

When: I'm leaving on September 22! I'll be at staging in Miami for like a day, then down to Paraguay I go, with an undetermined number of new friends.  3 months in the the city of Guarambare for training then...who knows.

Current Emotional State: Over the rainbow, exuberant, nervous, scared, optimistic, excited to say the least.

Definition of a "Crop Extensionist" : I'll be working with farmers to increase soil productivity, crop diversity, introduce new farming techniques, act as a in-between with the government, strech out vegetables? (no)

Biggest Worry: Psh...i'll worry when I stop being pumped up.

Biggest Excitement: Living with Host families! Not that I don't love my current family...i'm just not sure how well they can teach me to make empanadas.

Current Goals:

• Brush up on my Spanish
• Come and visit you. (if you are reading this then you probably deserve a visit or hug or high five or something)
• Resist the urge to indulge in America just because i'm going to leave it for 2 years.

Why am I writing a blog: Why not?  I'm not a great writer, but now you can see pictures and blurbs about my life since I'll be down south for a little while.

I think that covers all the FAQ's, and I probably won't attempt writing anything else till right before I leave, or right when I arrive, or right after I arrive.  One of those.

Adiós Amigos